I would often find myself searching for peace with external validation, and that usually ended with my life in complete chaos. As I walk through this chapter of my life, I am beginning to view the world differently, while it may be hard at times because let’s face it some habits are hard to break, I am learning to enjoy the simple things. Things I may have enjoyed in the past but stopped because I was being judged or criticized. Apart of this chapter for me is not caring what anyone thinks or feels about any aspect of my life. I need to be okay with me and the life I am living. This has been a struggle, as I grew up in a very judgemental and overly critical environment which followed me into adulthood. I have been so critical of my life it often makes me sad sometimes because I am repeating the same cycle that was done to me. So when I tell you it is hard, it is. I am now intentionally allowing peace, gratitude, self-validation and happiness into my life.
Flowers I’ve seen along the way
I shared with you previously, I enjoy taking showers in the dark, with some of my favourite essential oils permeating in the shower. Now I’ve added scented candles to the mix. Candles were always something I enjoyed and purchased but I stopped for many years. Why? Well, whenever I found something, I loved or enjoyed it was often taken over by my mom (it started here) or others. It couldn’t just be something I enjoyed because 9/10 times it always turned into something I had to share with or buy for. If I didn’t, critical words, harsh judgment and boundary violations often happened. I was often called selfish when all I wanted to do was enjoy something for myself. This made me conflicted, as doing anything for myself in the past was always attached to something or someone else. I am learning to take the front row in my life and be selfish about the things I want. I am not asking you to understand I am just sharing the foundation which I am coming from.
Some of my favourite scents from Bath & Body Works
Now I purchase my candles unapologetically and have soothing showers in the dark with a candle lit glow. I alternate with my essential oils and candles depending on how I am feeling. Bath and body works loves me okay lol. I try new scents often but have my favourites I always go back to. My friend even encourages my habit lol. If I missed an email, she would give me a nudge and say, “I know you love candles such and such is having an amazing sale “or “I know you’re trying to save but such and such is having a sale on your fav candles” You get the idea, but ultimately, I decide whether I want the purchase or not. Since it’s something I truly enjoy, it brings me peace, the scents can be soothing, and it improves the overall atmosphere for me, I’ve even made my own candles.
Another thing I enjoy doing is going for walks and sitting outside in nature. I grew up in the Caribbean where I enjoyed being outside, I enjoyed laying under a tree and looking at the sky. This is no different. Whenever I went back to the Caribbean, most people didn’t understand why or how I could be at the beach all day or outside all day. It’s because I always found it peaceful. The sounds of the waves crashing on the shore, the sound of the birds chirping and when it rains (yes, I would be at the beach even if it rained) the sound of the rain hitting the ocean and sand. It all brought me peace and joy. Now I live in an area where I walk to enjoy the natural beauty around me. In the past I often tried going on walks, but I wouldn’t be consistent. I truly believe it was a combination of things that made me stopped. I believe I may have been doing it all for the wrong reasons, yes going for a walk.
Now I walk to enjoy my own company, it’s a time where I am alone and free to enjoy what I see, what I feel, what I hear. No distractions, no objections, nothing. Just myself and my thoughts. I’ve met people along the way, we discussed trees, flowers, animals you name it. I learn something new about different species of flowers, plants, and animals daily. I jokingly tell my friend I’m a bird queen lol because I see all sorts like Crows and Cardinals some of which follow me and it puts a smile on my face. Walking is how I start most of my days and I don’t put a restriction on myself anymore about when I go for my walks. I have found in the past when I did this, I often became overwhelmed when I didn’t meet my target. So now, my rule is to take a walk outside daily no matter the time, but I’ve found since starting this, I absolutely enjoy walking in the morning. It’s quieter, the birds’ songs are louder, the wildlife is out and about and there are less cars! Yup this is peace for me.
More flowers
I understand peace comes from within (I could be wrong) and getting the peace I desire is going to take a lot of work. Being more mindful and intentional with my words and actions, forgiving myself for past decisions I’ve made, allowing myself grace, and allowing myself time to heal. Creating a safe place for myself to grow and evolve as a person. It’s not going to happen overnight however going back to things I enjoy, creating new habits as simple as they are, have brought a level of peace and calm to my life I think I was searching for. Life is already hard as it is but finding the little things that make us happy or what we enjoy makes it better. This is a lesson I am learning, not being afraid to do what I want to do and not being afraid of trying. Just do, just doing whatever I want with no fear and regrets. I wrote this post because I’ve been grappling with different aspects of my life lately, and this was an area that took a hit the most. I wanted to share with you some of the little things (I may have mentioned in the past) I have been doing to create a more peaceful environment for myself. If you have made it to the end of the post, thank you, thank you for allowing me to share a bit of myself, and thank you for the support.
I wish you all the best in your personal journeys.
More flowers, plants and birds
Soft Pastels Life 
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