I’ve reached a point in my life where peace has become my top priority. The weight of struggle in love, finances, friendships, and daily challenges has felt overwhelming for far too long. While I know struggle is a part of life, I’ve made a decision that it doesn’t have to define who I am anymore. I’m choosing to seek a life filled with ease, joy, peace, and happiness. Embracing more of the simple things in life and trying to step out of my comfort zone. I know it will be hard, and letting go of the constant struggle is what I’m working on. I want to embrace a more balanced and fulfilling existence.
The Challenge of Healing
Honestly, this healing process has been very challenging. Looking myself in the mirror each day has been tough, not because I don’t love who I am, but because I’m becoming someone unfamiliar, someone I can’t yet fully recognize. The change is hard to explain, but I’ve made small steps and implemented positive changes in my life. I haven’t given myself enough grace to truly appreciate my progress or celebrate how far I’ve come and that’s one thing I struggle with. There have been moments where I’ve felt a shift, like when I realized I’m no longer following old patterns. These glimpses of change give me hope, even when the process and my progress feels slow.
I’ve started therapy, which has been helpful, but at times, I find myself feeling overwhelmed. Confronting my many buried demons is very uncomfortable, and it’s not easy work. I believe my level of uncomfortability stems from years of not acknowledging my true reality, but that was survival for me. I’m beginning to see the things I’ve once viewed as obstacles now as stepping stones. With each challenge I face, I’m learning that it doesn’t have to define me. It’s all part of a bigger picture.
I’m also learning to be kinder to myself, to recognize that feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It’s just a part of the process, and it doesn’t make me any less worthy of the peace I’m seeking. My healing journey is teaching me that I no longer want to live a life defined by struggle.
Breaking Free from a Life of Struggle
Truthfully I’m finding this process very hard because all I’ve known is struggle. From the outside looking in, it might seem like I have it all together, and maybe that’s true for some, but on the inside, I feel differently. The challenge for me is breaking free from those deep-rooted feelings of struggle. I grew up in an environment where struggle was normalized. You know, the comments people always say, ‘At least you have something,’ (in reference to a job for example) or ‘It could be worse.’ While those statements are true to some extent, they’re not enough for me anymore. I don’t want to settle for a life of just getting by, I want more. I want a life beyond the limitations of my own walls, beyond the mindset of struggle that’s been my comfort zone for far too long.
It might sound strange to some, but I no longer want to be the person I used to be, the person who was born and raised to be Anique. It’s not that I’m running away from who I was or my past, but honestly I don’t know who she is anymore. She was created and molded to be subservient, to fit into a box where her worth was based on others’ approval. She doesn’t have hobbies of her own, goals, or ambitions, because everything was based on someone else. She was raised to please others and disregard herself. I can no longer coexist with her. We are so disconnected now that everything feels overwhelming and chaotic, and that’s a hard truth to face.
This internal tug-of-war has been going on for the last five years, but especially the past two, and I’m tired of letting her win. She is not who I am anymore, and she is certainly not who I want to be. Fear, doubt, and struggle were her constant companions, and they are not mine. She has to go. It’s not easy to release these old patterns, especially when she’s all I’ve known, but I can feel myself moving away from them slowly.
Letting Go of Struggle Love
I’ve been reflecting on all my past relationships, and one thing that stands out, most if not all, was all about the struggle. I no longer want to settle for “struggle love.” You know the kind I’m talking about: the love that’s hard, unhealthy, and even toxic. The kind of love where questionable things happen, and deep down you know you can’t handle it, but you stay and accept it anyway because ‘at least he loves you’, or ‘you can’t change your family’. That’s the love I’ve been accustomed to. That’s the love I’ve accepted.
Truth is, I’ve let this type of love in time and time again, but I can’t continue to accept it. It’s uncomfortable, and it’s the version of me I was conditioned to be. I’ve even accepted this type of love from my family, my father, even my mother and most ‘friends’. I call it the convenience love. The type of love that makes you think you don’t have a choice, the type of love that keeps you holding on in hopes that things will change. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m proud of myself for recognizing the patterns I’ve accepted for far too long.
Acknowledging this is the first step for me in breaking the chains. Now I’m learning about my deal breakers and relationships. I’m beginning to understand what I’m willing to accept and what I can not compromise on. It’s a process, and honestly, it’s unfamiliar. I’ve let so much slide in the past that this part of my healing journey is terrifying. I know I can’t continue with the way things were, so I’m slowly but surely redefining what love means for me.
Setting boundaries in love feels new, but as each day passes I’m learning that they are not walls to shut people out, but shields to protect and guard my peace. I’m beginning to realize that love doesn’t have to be a struggle. It can be peaceful, supportive, and free of toxicity. This is the love I am inviting into my life moving forward.
Redefining My Future
As I sit here reflecting on everything I’ve been through, I realize that it’s not just about letting go of the past. It’s about actively choosing to step into a new version of myself. The version that doesn’t accept struggle as the default. The version that embraces peace, joy, and growth. The version that’s a risk taker, the version who doesn’t know fear and doubt.
I’m understanding that healing is not linear. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and full of ups and downs. I’m committed to walking this path, even when it feels or gets hard. I’ve already made progress, and while my journey is far from over, I know I’m heading in the right direction.
The truth is, I deserve a life filled with ease and fulfillment. We all do. I deserve relationships that are healthy, supportive, and nurturing. I deserve to thrive, not just survive. I’m learning to embrace the uncertainty of change and to trust that the best is yet to come. So, with each step, no matter how small, I’m breaking free from the chains of struggle and stepping into the life I’ve always deserved and dreamed of. A life of peace, purpose, and abundance. This is my time, and I’m no longer letting fear or doubt hold me back. This is my life in real time.
Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle of struggle? What changes are you making in your life to embrace peace and joy?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
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